Harvest to Heal

Mental Health Battle

It is so challenging to stay positive while going through this, but I have no other choice.

Today marks 5 weeks since I woke up knowing my eye was flared up. I spent the first 3 of those 5 weeks crying daily, sending my mom and fiancé paragraph long texts about how much pain I was in, how bad I was suffering, and how scared I was about my vision. Those things are still true, though I must admit the physical pain is better at this stage. But the negative talk did nothing but make me feel worse. So I have made an effort to stay as positive as possible given the circumstances.

Eye Status

My ophthalmologist had me cut back on the steroid eyedrops since they weren’t working in the beginning anyway. I’m taking calcium and vitamin D supplements, and I’m down to 60mg of prednisone daily having tapered from 80mg/day. The side effects from the steroids are noticeable now. My face has puffed up and I have acne all over my face and my upper back/neck. I feel guilty and shallow to complain about those things, but it’s really just a matter of not recognizing myself in the mirror. I also fight insomnia at night, exhaustion during the day, and my anxiety hits hard. My eye is red probably 75% of the time, even though it doesn’t hurt like it did in the beginning of this flare….which is good.

My vision has zero improvement – if anything, it’s worse. It’s my right eye. The haze is so bad, I can make out shapes through it but words are becoming more and more challenging to read. I’m pretty sure I’m also developing a cataract. My steroid dosage leads my ophthalmologist to believe that I most likely will develop a cataract if I haven’t already begun to.
However… the inflammation is definitely down from where it started, so progress has been made. Even if it happens slowly, I have to take the wins as they come. Cataracts can be removed. I’m just thankful to have vision period.

Next Steps

I will see my ophthalmologist again on Tuesday and I will see a rheumatologist for the first time in mid-December.

I have moments where I look around and think, is this how my vision is going to be forever going forward? And if that’s the case, I am grateful for what it is at all. It could be worse. But it is still such a mental battle with myself wondering…why? Why is my body doing this to me? The mental struggle with this condition is as bad if not worse than the physical pain it brings.

Regarding the progress with my eye, now it’s just a matter of my body letting go of this inflammation and tapering off of the steroids slow enough so that the inflammation does not come back like it did. I hope seeing the rheumatologist will give me some direction on managing this condition going forward, as well as the ankylosing spondylitis.

Diet/Eating

In addition to struggling with uveitis, I also struggle with my weight due to my emotional dependency on food… and a little bit of laziness. I’ve lost weight in the past but always gain it back. I’m getting married in a year and I know it’s time to start taking my health more seriously given all of the issues I’ve been experiencing lately. Not to mention that steroid use accelerates the development of type 2 diabetes. And I already have high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

With that being said, I have not been sticking to my anti-inflammatory diet in full force. While I am trying, I know I can do better. It will be interesting to see how that affects my uveitis progress once I am able to fully commit… but I won’t come on here and lie about what I’m doing. All I can do going forward is continue taking the steps to heal my eye and get through this flareup, and from there continue improving my overall health.

_{Photo Credit: Photo by Bich Tran: https://www.pexels.com/photo/inspirational-quotes-on-a-planner-636243/}